Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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