Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
