i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
