i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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