i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
