Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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