Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
