Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
