worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
