I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
sex in a hospital.. check
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
