Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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