I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
