I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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