My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think my fart just growled at me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
