He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
