i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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