my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
