you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
