I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
