im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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