You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
