Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
