When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
