you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
