did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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