I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
