I can tuck mytits in my pants
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
