Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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