do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
