I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
