you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
