My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
