she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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