hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
