I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
