I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
