who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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