I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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