Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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