Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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