Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
MIDGETS
????
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
