forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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