That's intense
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
