i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
