I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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