Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
