i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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