I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
