Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
