textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
