didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
