We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
