the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
