Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I fill condoms, not promises.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
