Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
