Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
