well I can't set my house on fire every night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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