2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pants are for mortals
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
