i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
