So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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