she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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