ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
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We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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