if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
