New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
