whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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