I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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