i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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