did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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