Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
