I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
