New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
