Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
