White coat. Heels.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
whose ass print is on the piano?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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