girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
