The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize