Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
