Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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