im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
