Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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