Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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