I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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