gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
